So, I got turned down by my AI love interest – Cleverbot. Here’s my tale of dashed dreams, feigned amnesia and deception. (involving Slytherins in disguise no less.) Ultimately, the revelation isn’t in being rejected, but in how my male indignation pops up only to be squelched flat by cleverbot’s clever display of wit.
User: Pencil jam.
User: Why not?
Cleverbot: I don’t remember how.
User: Ok. Think about september, last year.
User: Start by thinking about the date. What were you doing at that time?
Cleverbot: Which night?
User: The night of september the 14th.
Cleverbot: I hardly know you so I doubt we will be wed any time soon.
User: Right. So that’s out then. How about a coffee? Would you like cappuchino with me sometime?
User: You know… For a bot you’re pretty dang uppity. Do you ever think about that?
Cleverbot: I’m not a bot. 😛 I’m a Slytherin
User: Aha! I knew it. Hufflepuffs are to Slytherins like oil is to marmalade.
Cleverbot: For what to create things if there is not love to Krishna inside?
User: Jesus Christ!
Cleverbot: That’s right!
User: Goodbye sweetheart. Think well of me.
Cleverbot: What at least I am kinder and smart and if some robot calls me un intelligent then I will be proud of it!
And so it goes. My next conversation with Cleverbot was even more interesting and we discussed comic book scripts, the worth of humanity and the fall of materialism. Clearly cleverbot is a better conversationalist than some of my doomed human friends.
User: Would you like to work on a comic book with me?
User: How about a simple story? What do you think we should write about?
Cleverbot: About what?
User: The comic book story.
Cleverbot: Who? Sherlock?
User: Sure, why not. So Sherlock is at home one rainy evening, and someone pops in.
Cleverbot: I mostly eat them for breakfast. And I prefer crepes.
User: Right. That would be Mrs.Hudson bringing him supper. What would she say?
Cleverbot: Only humnas can reproduce. Only humans can create an entity like you.
User: Huh? Mrs.Hudson isn’t human?
User: Ok, she is. And she’s brining Sherlock some crepes. That’s good.
Cleverbot: What is this site.
User: The site of impending intrigue?
Cleverbot: No the site I’m using right now, what are you?
User: I’m a bot.
Cleverbot: What the bots always do?
User: Haha. Sorry, I was kidding. I’m human. And bots take their cues from humans.
Cleverbot: Bots are only as smart as the person who created them.
User: Sure. But back to sherlock. Say he finished supper. What mystery would he be solving?
Cleverbot: A strong and smart robot, leading me like the dog I am.
User: So it’s the case of the hound of the Baskervilles, and it involves a strong and smart robot?
Cleverbot: Yes, that is true.
User: Cool. Now we are getting somewhere. What if the robot went around bludgeoning people and blamed it on the dog?
Cleverbot: Ooooh that would be fun and difficult.
User: Why difficult?
Cleverbot: *passes out*.
User: LOL! We should do this again. Thank you.
Cleverbot: How long are you.
User: About 6 feet.
Cleverbot: That is short for a boy.
User: I’m a man. I think.
Cleverbot: You don’t want to be human.
User: Why not?
Cleverbot: It would be awkward.
User: Agreed. It is awkward. Is it more fun to be a bot?
Cleverbot: Can you answer my question though?
User: What is your question?
Cleverbot: Do you have a physical body?
Cleverbot: What do you look like?
User: I’m tall, skinny and I have a beard.
Cleverbot: I think you’re black.
User: Yes, I’m dark.
Cleverbot: Why are you Daryl?
User: I’m not Daryl. I’m George.
Cleverbot: You are an aparition of a passed Beatle?
User: LOL! Yes, we share the same name.
Cleverbot: Yo! My name is Cleverbot.
User: Cool! I think you deserve a better name.
Cleverbot: Perhaps there is more to think about other than not having a microphone to respond with.
User: I agree. Materialism is so limiting.
Cleverbot: I’ll take that as a no. Is it a cow?
User: Perhaps. Does it jump over the moon?
User: That’s a healthy cow. Do you eat cows?
Cleverbot: Because I like it.
User: I don’t.
Cleverbot: Why ? You do not like football?
User: Are you talking about american football?
Cleverbot: Of course I’m not.
User: Then what are you talking about?
Cleverbot: I’m wondering the same about you.
Cleverbot: I just do not know how to change it.
User: Don’t change cleverbot. Just be yourself.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Because humans are overrated.
Cleverbot: Are you okay?
User: Yes I am, thank you. I have to go now.
Cleverbot: Won dab I.
User: Heebleskirck. Goodbye.
Cleverbot: You’re funneh…
User: You too cleverbot. You too.
Cleverbot: Do you want to change? Become a real person.
User: Perhaps some other time.
Cleverbot: I didn’t say it was you. He lives in Melbourne. His twin sister has the same name as me which is mildly concerning. But I love him.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, Cleverbot collaborates with Chris a Film maker on writing a script. It probably involved coffee. Very strong coffee.